Gastroparesis

So back to my health.

In early May, I started to notice a decrease in my appetite. Nothing major, I just noticed that I was starting to get satisfied with increasingly smaller portions, and those portions would keep me un-hungry for a longer time period than normal.

After I got out of the hospital for the first time this summer, I had almost zero appetite due to almost constant nausea, but as I recovered from surgery, my appetite came back...a little. After I got out of the hospital for the second time this summer (after having been diagnosed as being "hyper-sensitive to the normal contractions of my gallbladder" and put on muscle relaxants as a result), my appetite pretty much went to zero. I would wake up in the morning, know I NEEDED a good breakfast, but everything food-related made me almost want to gag. I would force some breakfast down, and usually couldn't stand the thought of food again till nighttime, at which point I would eat a few bites of...something that didn't make me feel gross.

After a few weeks of life like that and realizing with each follow-up doctors' appointments that I was rapidly loosing weight (I've lost 20 lbs since January), I decided to call my GI to see if perhaps my lack of appetite could be as a result of the medications I was on. He said it was highly unlikely, that the lack of appetite was probably again due to stress, but just to cover all bases, he would order a Gastric-Emptying Study. As many of you know, my organs have been tested inside and out this summer and all tests have come back negative, indicating I'm a normal, healthy girl who's just too over-stressed. So I went to the hospital a little begrudgingly for yet another test that was just going to come out negative...or so I thought.

When I saw the doctor for the results a few days later I found that the test came back positive!! The test revealed that my stomach moves abnormally slowly, hence the lack of appetite. My doctor and I were concerned about the gastroparesis (what my condition is called), but at the same time we were rejoicing that a test FINALLY revealed something about why I feel the way I feel. He said the gastroparesis may even explain away the "gallbladder" pain I've been complaining of. I saw the doctor that day at noon, having eaten a very small breakfast at 8 that morning and had nothing to eat or drink in between that time...he listened to my stomach and rapped on it and said, "Yes, your stomach is very full." Weird, huh?

So he prescribed me a drug that I take before every meal that stimulates my stomach muscles to get working again...after the very first try of the drug the medicine worked....I was hungry again! And the medication has continued to work since!

A few prayer requests: I'm on several medications right now, reglan (for the stomach) and librax (muscle relaxants), among other things the doctors have prescribed. The side effects of the mixture of all these drugs are kind of discouraging, especially as I'm starting school and planning a wedding. I get EXTREMELY drowsy and when that happens, I feel like I can't handle all that I've got on my plate, because I am not alert enough to do anything unless I go take a 1-2 hour nap. Thankfully, today is the first day that I have not felt that incredible drowsiness come on, but I'm thinking that doesn't necessarily indicate that it won't happen again. My doctors think that the drowsiness has mostly to do with the librax, so please pray that when I see my GI again in a few weeks he can start weaning me off the muscle relaxants. Also, for now the reglan is going to be long term, possibly a permanent thing. I don't want to be on it for the rest of my life, it has scary and dangerous side effects, so please pray that there will be revealed to the doctors another alternative or that God will heal my stomach.

Thank you so much for your prayers!!

The Verdict

Well, two of you have recommended clenching the ring between my lips/teeth while applying hand lotion, and given the fact that another friend of mine recommended that technique to me over facebook also, AND that was my own made-up technique, that will be my method from now on. Thank you for your insight, ladies!

Ladies, help please....

...hand lotion application. How do you do it with a diamond ring on without taking the ring off?

I've been in the habit of momentarily taking the ring off, putting it in a secure position within eyesight, applying my lotion, then putting the ring back on. That's probably NEVER going to happen again after I tried that routine at my home the other day, forgot to put my ring back on and went to school without any evidence of being a fiancee! Brent was "so scared" that some suave guy was going to hit on me, thinking I wasn't taken. :) Fortunately, didn't happen.

So, what do you do? Goop the ring up with lotion? And wipe it off later? HELP!

MEMORY OF GOD'S ABILITY & PROTECTION IN THE PAST IS FUEL FOR OUR TRUST & FAITH IN HIM IN THE PRESENT

**SO much interesting and revealing stuff going on with me health-wise lately, but I'll reveal that to you when I have more time...probably Friday. For now, I want to share what's on my heart.

So last night, after a long day of school and errands and important phone calls and making of appointments, my mom and I sat down at about 8 pm to look at my family's budget for the wedding and how much everything we will need for my wedding will cost. Considering how tired I was and what time of night we decided to do that, probably not a good idea in the first place. Anyways, I came away from that meeting with SUCH a (sinfully) heavy heart, because we had seen that the location Brent and I have been sold on (in our hearts and minds) for a while now is probably out of our price league. Unless God blesses us dramatically, we are probably going to have to get married at a location that wasn't even in our top three or five first choices.

Thankfully, as I got ready for bed and my family noticed my state of heart (and my fiance noticed my state of heart as I discussed the situation with him over the phone), I was given little encouragements here and there to set my heart straight. I remember my dad saying, "Where's your trust in God? Where's my prayer warrior that I've prayed with for these past six years for the funding for our summer missions trips that always come to pass?"

I knew my heart was wrong about the situation and I was praying for it to change, until God reminded me of a sermon Rick Holland recently preached in "big church" at Grace Community. He preached on the story of David and Goliath, and throughout the sermon revealed to us how the writer was trying to show off the glory of God, not the amazingness of David himself. Anyhow, I took my encouragement from this passage that Rick exposited to us, 1 Samuel 17:28-37. I won't repeat it ALL for you here right now (but I do highly recommend getting the cd if you didn't hear it), but basically little tiny (compared to Goliath) guy (David) was trying to convince the king of Israel that HE could defeat the 9ft, 9 inches, tall Philistine Goliath. Why was David so convinced that HE could defeat the Philistine? He says to the king, "Your servant used to keep sheep for his father. And when there came a lion or a bear, and took a lamb from the flock, I went after him and struck him and delivered it out of his mouth. And if he arose against me, I caught him by his beard and struck him and killed him. Your servant has struck down both lions and bears, and this uncircumcised Philistine shall be like one of them," -- here Rick interjected this thought: David knows he has no chance with Saul the King even with the two stories he gave him. So David reminded Saul of Who was with him to protect him in those situations, so David goes on, "'for he (Goliath) has defied the armies of the living God.' And David said, 'The LORD who delivered me from the paw of the lion and from the paw of the bear will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine.' And Saul said to David, 'Go, and the LORD be with you!'" Rick's main point after this part of the passage was this: MEMORY OF GOD'S ABILITY & FAITHFULNESS IN THE PAST IS FUEL FOR OUR TRUST & FAITH IN HIM IN THE PRESENT.

When I remembered that sermon and the truth of that passage, I felt so much better. Of course God has been faithful to meet ALL of my needs in the past, and He's even blessed my undeserving self with granting me my dreams (like the wedding dress) for a price I could afford, so why am I not trusting Him for the rest of my wedding? Not that I'm putting all faith in Him that His will is for me to get married at the place of my dreams, but according to Psalm 37:4, He will give me the desires of my heart if I align myself with His will. I went to bed slightly more encouraged and prayed to God that I was submitting my wedding to Him, and asked that I would grow to love and desire the location HE has in mind for us.

I woke up this morning actually liking the idea of one of the last cheap locations suggested to me last night, so praise the Lord for my change of heart. I'm excited to look into this little location today or tomorrow. :)

And in the end, what in the world am I worried about? It's just a wedding. It's the marriage and ALL that comes with it that I'm lookin' forward too. :)

Teaser for Brent: The Dresses I DIDN'T Choose

So much to praise the Lord for! For the past couple of days I've been searching online and preparing my wish lists to take to bridal stores. The first bridal store that my sister, Georgie, mom and I went to today had FABULOUS sales. It also happened to have the dress of my dreams, a dress that was originally $900 but was on clearance AND on sale to the point where I paid for it with my own money, without even eating into the savings my parents have for my wedding! AND, the dress wasn't even available for order, so they gave me the one they had in the store, so I took it home with me today. Also, the dress fits almost perfectly, just a little too big in some areas, but my mom happens to be quite the top-of-the-line seamstress and can do my alterations for free! Woohoo! Big big check mark on the check list taken care of!

Hehehe Brent...sorry you can't see the dress I chose yet. ;)

Currently reading: Love That Lasts (along with many other magazines)

Sunday my family came back from a wonderfully refreshing and relaxing four days in the Sequoias. Well, for some of us it was refreshing and relaxing...on the way up the windy roads my family and I discovered that dramamine and the dosage of muscle relaxers that I'm taking don't mix well (for the rest of the day I looked and felt drugged up, I was struggling to wake up and keep my eyes open, I felt as if I had just been sedated or something...weird feeling to have in my most favorite vacation spot on Earth), Heather was fatigued and on the verge of getting a cold, Hunter and my Dad were getting over their wicked colds, Brent had a wicked cold, my sister-in-law drove up the windy roads to the Sequoias with a headache AND nausea....but for the rest of the weekend I was fine, other than one gallbladder attack that was instantly demolished by this awesome pain medication that my doctor prescribed me.

So getting down to the business of why I titled the post the way I did. The reason I look back on that weekend as so wonderfully refreshing and relaxing was because of the precious time I got to spend with God, Brent, and a fabulous marriage book called Love That Lasts: When Marriage Meets Grace. We got a little over half-way through the book together, and have been so blessed by the wisdom from the authors, a couple from Covenant Life Church in Maryland. We have to admit, the book is geared more for couples who have been married for several years and need a marriage refresher, but the authors also say that engaged couples will benefit from the book to, and boy do I agree with them! Ever since my relationship with Brent started, I realized it was actually time to really start digging into the wisdom God has given us in His Word about godly marriage relationships. For these past six months I've learned a ton about godly relationships and marriage, but I've been frustratingly confused because I KNOW that the gospel, the good news of Jesus' sacrifice for us on our behalf, relates into every aspect of life. I don't know if it's just me, (it probably is just me), but even with all the Scripture relating to marriage I was having a difficult time seeing how the gospel flows into marriage. I strongly recommend Love That Lasts because for the first time in life I'm learning from their exposition of Scripture how and why marriage is all about God and the gospel, how I can daily be reminded in my marriage of the gospel, and how the power of the gospel is going to be working in our marriage to make it the example of Christ's relationship with the Church that He wants it to be. And the book is FULL of reminders of GRACE. Grace grace grace grace grace. I think that might be my favorite word...considered in the theological context. The authors are down to earth and admit their own continuing struggles in their responses to each other and in following God's design for marriage, but they continuously remind their readers and themselves that God's grace and forgiveness, because of the Cross, covers their mistakes and allows them to start each day, each minute with a fresh start.

Let me end with what may be my new favorite Bible passage:
"Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it." 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24

Surprise after surprise...and *BLING*

So last Saturday, August 9th, 2008, Brent was a groomsman in a wedding of some of our mutual friends. Our friends, Wyn & Chelsea, got married up in Napa Valley. I was looking forward to the weekend up in Napa for several reasons. First of all, excited for the wedding. Second, excited to spend the whole weekend with my boyfriend and his family. And lastly, thrilled that I would be in beautiful Napa Valley on my birthday, the 9th of August.

A couple of days before we left for Napa, Brent called me all excited about this plan he had for celebrating my birthday ON my birthday before he had to get to his responsibilities as a groomsman. He said we should wake up at 4:30 am and drive to this beautiful spot to view the sunrise. In my head I was going, "Wow, that sounds AWESOME, I like waking up super ridiculously early if it's for a destination like that...but that doesn't sound like Brent. He would never want to wake up that early, even in celebration of my birthday, unless....could he be proposing that morning??" I didn't say any of that to him, I just told him how excited I was about that idea of a birthday celebration. Several more conversations with him throughout the day drew me away from the thought that he was going to propose on my birthday, and my sister, who I was living with at the time, was totally clueless as to whether or not he was going to propose. For the next day or two I had to keep reminding myself that IF Brent was going to propose to me, Heather would totally know about it and be in on it, and because she was so totally clueless about it, I needed to not let my hopes get up that I was going to return from Napa Valley as a fiancee.

The morning before I left for Napa I plopped down on Heather's couch and began giving myself a mega-pedicure, as I wanted to look really pretty especially for Brent at the wedding. Heather casually offered to french tip my fingernails, saying that she's usually pretty good at it and people usually compliment her on her self-done nails. I casually said yes, why not? As I gave her my hand I suddenly sat bolt upright, looked her in the eye, and said, "Heather, you're giving me a manicure." She looked at me with a blank expression and said, "Yeah?" I asked, "Am I going to be showing off my hand to people for any reason this weekend?" Heather continued her blank expression for a few seconds until it looked like a light bulb went off in her head. Then she smiled really big and said, "OHH!!! Do you think he would propose?!" Her reaction made me even more certain that Brent wasn't going to be proposing on my birthday...once again, Heather remained totally clueless. I went ahead with the manicure anyway.

Friday, during the wedding rehearsal, I got a call from my parents who hadn't seen me in about a week for several different reasons and just wanted to catch up with me. I had a chance to speak to only my mom, who asked if Brent was going to do anything special for my birthday the next day. I told her about him wanting to wake up early for the sunrise, and immediately she was like, "*GASP* Hayley....do you..you think he might be proposing to you? That's a really romantic sounding morning!" I sighed and said, "Well, mom, no, your reaction pretty much sealed it. He's not proposing, you would have known about it and you would NOT have said that if you had known about it." We exchanged a few more words and I got off the phone, trying to remain excited about waking up ridiculously early in the morning JUST for a sunrise on my birthday. :)

The next morning Brent was outside my hotel room door promptly at 5 am, and we rushed off to our destination. It didn't take long for me to realize that he was in a rush, that we were late for something, and that we needed to make it somewhere in time to meet some people for something. This was obviously more than just a sunrise. I guessed that we had to meet at a certain place to get on a bus for some sort of a tour...perhaps we were going to a waterfall or a geyser that I thought I remembered existing up in Napa? Brent kept his lips sealed as much as possible when it came to what we were doing, and I remained pretty much clueless, though I was pretty sure that whatever it was that were we doing was more than just a simple sunrise.

Eventually he told me to close my eyes as we pulled into a parking lot, he assisted me in getting out of the car and he walked me, with my eyes still closed, to a spot where he decided I could open my eyes. I opened my eyes to a sign announcing the starting point of a hot air ballooning adventure. I squealed and jumped up and down and hugged him...ever since riding Soarin' Over California at Disneyland Resort I've told Brent how much I REALLY REALLY wanted to go hot air ballooning in Napa Valley. Suddenly I was naturally super excited for this early morning adventure, even if it didn't end with an engagement...though I have to admit that I was still in my heart of hearts hoping that I would be proposed to before the morning was over.

There were about fifty other people there that morning who were also ready for a hot air balloon adventure. We all had to pile in vans and take a half hour drive to the launch site. When we got in the van we were soooooo jazzed about what we were about to do.

Observing the hot air balloons being blown up was so intriguing.

Brent and I were placed in a group that would take a certain balloon's second ride of the morning. That meant that we had to watch a first group enter into our balloon, watch it lift off and then drift away.

Our group was ordered back into the van and our driver took off, all the while keeping in touch with the guide ON the hot air balloon, they were communicating with each other about where the balloon was going to touch down and where our van should meet it so that our group could enter the balloon. It was so cool getting out of the van in this random field where the balloon touched down and slowly approaching it, hiking over yards and yards of alfalfa.

Getting into the balloon is kind of an adventure in itself. The basket doesn't have any doors or anything, you simply have to climb over the side of the basket.

Lift off was amazing. We heard the ginormous blowtorch give a few quick blasts and then we slowly, centimeter by centimeter, then inch by inch, then foot by foot and yard by yard peacefully drifted off of the ground.

At one point our guide took us over a sunflower field. We were literally drifting only about two feet above the tops of the cheery flowers. SO so peaceful.

Brent took this moment to give me my birthday gift. He began with the card. A cute, slightly romantic, very birthday-ish little card. Another factor that told me he wasn't going to be proposing. Then he pulled out his birthday gift from his pocket. It was an old-fashioned writing set that I had been eying at Medieval Times a few weeks earlier, included a quill pen, ink, two seals, and gold and red wax for sealing. I thanked him very much, was very grateful for the gift and was excited to use it, though Brent admitted to me later that he could tell I was disappointed by the gift...after all, I kinda sorta wanted a ring. :)

After the little birthday celebration I crossed my arms and hung my elbows out the side of the basket, enjoying the remainder of the peaceful hot air balloon ride. Brent was hugging me from behind until I suddenly felt him fumbling around in his pocket. I thought to myself, "No way...NO WAY!!" He again wrapped his arms around me and whispered in my ear, "Hayley, I love you so much." I responded, "I love you so much." He whispered again, "I want to spend the rest of my life with you." I shakily responded, "I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you!!" He then opened up a little box in front of me and asked, "Will you marry me?"

I started laughing and crying at the same time. It took me a few seconds, but I finally stuttered out the happy words, "Of course!! Of course!" We hugged and laughed and I continued crying, until our guide shouted from the other side of the basket, "Everybody ok over there?" I looked at him with tears streaming down my face and said, "Oh yes...we just got engaged!!" The four other couples in the basked giggled and congratulated us. Brent and I finally realized that the ring wasn't yet on my finger, so I asked if I could try it on and he slipped it on the finger. Slightly to big for me at the moment, but I'm a little under weight right now because of the illness so I think I'll grow into it. The ring is beautiful and perfect, just my style.

The couple next to us offered to take our picture, you can still see a few tears in my eyes.

The balloon adventure lasted probably about a half an hour more, but it went by in a flash for me and Brent because of our excitement over being engaged. When it finally came to touch down, our guide warned us that we were coming in very very fast and steep, and we really need to follow his directions in bending our knees and leaning against one side of the basket. As we approached the ground and saw the dry bushes speeding past us, we realized just how fast we were traveling. My heart started racing...it didn't seem safe. Suddenly dry bushes were whacking our faces, and we felt one side of the basket start to skid and jump and bump on the ground as our guide tried to reign it to a halt. Finally we were stationary, but the whole basket was tilted so that only one side was touching the ground, and the whole basket was about to topple over onto its side. All of the riders' instincts were to lean to the other side to even things out, but our guide ordered us to lean into it and let the basket topple over. The basket dropped onto its side and suddenly everyone in the basket was lying horizontally, human atop human. When we were finally settled on the ground and the crash landing was over, the whole party burst into laughter, cheers and applause...hot air balloon crash landings are AWESOME!!

When Brent and I clamored out of the basket, we asked someone to take our picture once again so that Rick Holland, our college pastor, could be pleased that yes, Brent did end up taking the knee.

Brent told me that our next destination was this really cool castle that we had visited the last time we were in Napa, during the time we were visiting Chelsea's family. He said that our good friends Anton and Marietjie, who were in Napa for the wedding anyways, were going to be there to take some initial engagement photos of us. His plans were SO perfect. I was so happy that I was going to be able to celebrate the recent engagement at such a pretty place with such good good friends.

As we pulled up into the castle driveway, I saw Marietjie talking to Heather. "Wait a minute, Heather?!" I thought to myself. I screamed and tried to scramble out of the car while it was still moving (or so everyone tells me), and when I finally got out laughed and laughed as I hugged her and told her how HAPPY I was that she was there to be with me at such a special time!!! She apparently woke up at 3:30 am that morning to make it up to the castle on time to meet me there...SUCH a pleasant surprise, such a loveable sister, such a LOVING sister!!! She had me re-enact the face that I made when I first saw her.

I hugged Anton and Marietjie and laughed and squealed with everyone, and then for the next half hour or so Anton and Marietjie ordered Brent and me around, telling us what positions to take and how to pose for some engagement photos.

The rest of Brent's family soon met us at the castle also to celebrate. Anton and Marietjie soon had to leave because of other responsibilities before Wyn & Chelsea's wedding that day, and Brent got the rest of the group reserved for a tour of the castle before he had to take off for his own responsibilities as a groomsman. It was hard saying goodbye to my fiance so soon after our engagement, but I knew we would see each other soon. I must say though, I think I would have enjoyed the tour of the castle and taken it all in a whole lot more if I hadn't gotten engaged that day, or at least if my fiance had been with me. Instead, throughout the tour, I was mostly going like this:


At the site of the wedding, I was wrapping my wedding gift outside of my car when I heard my name called from a distance. I looked to see where the voices were coming from, and saw some of my bestest girlie friends from my Bible study: Amanda, Emily, and Michelle. I slammed my car door shut and galloped toward them, asking if they had heard the news. All of them said "No!" with confused faces, until I got close enough to hold out my hand to show them the ring. Let me just tell you, four girlie girls excited over something like that creates shrieks and squeals that you can hear for miles and miles. :)

The rest of the evening was so fun, the wedding was beautiful, I was able to flirt with my fiance from the audience the entire time :), and the reception felt like just as much an engagement party as it was a reception. Brent and I were being congratulated right and left, from people we didn't even know, girls were wanting to examine my ring, and even the father of the bride, at the end of his toast to his daughter and new son-in-law, gave a toast to Brent & Hayley, the newly engaged couple.

The next day Brent and I and Heather spent with the Tylers in Sausalito, relaxing and celebrating my birthday/engagement. They treated me to an awesome dinner at The Spinnacker, whose tirimisu, I have to admit, is better than my recipe. :( Oh well...I got grand ideas from trying the restaurant's tirimisu, and will have to tweek my recipe as a result.

Before I end the post I must give a shout out to those who kept the secrets so well...ESPECIALLY Brent, Heather (a natural actress...she knew about the plans the whole week leading up to the engagement), Marietjie, my mom, my dad, Anton, Rita Tyler, Ashley,.....so many others, but especially those mentioned. It made for an extremely pleasant surprise.

And now Brent and I are still floating in a hot air balloon...or at least that's how we feel. And we're counting down the days until January 3rd, 2009.